@ A Funeral In 2024, Do you wear Classic Black or Colour?

@ A Funeral In 2024, Do you wear Classic Black or Colour? 

🩷 So my day started off this morning, with yet another visit the Dr's Rooms, on Friday I have my 29th visit to my GP since last September 2023!!!
Anyways, I was there to see the H.I.P. person, which I really didn't know what they do, so "borrowed" this from my GP'S Website @ Stoke Medical

🩷 H E A L T H   I M P R O V E M E N T  P R A C T I T I O N E R  (H.I.P.)
Employed by Nelson Bays Primary Health, Health Improvement Practitioners (HIPs) are "Behavioural Health Clinicians".

HIPs help with any issues impacting on your health and wellbeing.
HIPs deliver focused 20-30 minute brief intervention for all age groups. 
Services are free and you can often be seen on the same day. 
HIPs can help with:
✦ Managing thoughts, feelings, and behaviours
✦ Stress, anxiety, or feeling down
✦ Coping with Grief and Loss
✦ Sleep
✦ Alcohol and Drug use
✦ Relationship issues
✦ Coping with chronic health conditions
✦ Managing high cholesterol, diabetes, or cardiac conditions 
✦ Accessing other services 

Kelly the HIP taught me the "Grounding Technique 5,4,3,2,1" 
It involves identifying 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.

"The Struggle Switch" by Dr Russ Harris

And as I am in so much pain {I'm 15 weeks Post Op from my 2nd Spinal Op}, and am constantly in a "Flight, Fight, Freeze" situation called "The Struggle Switch" by Dr Russ Harris, I am also learning some coping techniques for my stress levels.

My hope is to also join a Coffee Group, or maybe a Spinal Support Group, to make some friends, otherwise, the only people I see each week are my Medical Professionals.

There is a Website called "wellby" which is for the Nelson/Tasman Community.

They have daily/weekly "Talking Cafes", so Fingers and Toes x'ed that I can make the next meeting in my area is on Tuesday @ McCashins  ... 

Wellby Talking Cafés welcome everyone for a relaxed cuppa and can start your journey to connect with others who enjoy the same things. 
You can pop in for a quick chat or stay for a longer conversation with friendly people.
There is no need to register, just turn up on the day.
The Talking Café hosts will warmly welcome you when you arrive.

McCashin's Brewery

660 Main Road

Stoke, Nelson 7011

Phone 03 547 5357

www.mccashins.co.nz Facebook www.facebook.com/McCashinsBrewery

"Wellby Talking Café"

Tuesday 18th June 2024 10am > 11.30am

The Creative Craft Room
2 Nashi Place
Stoke, Nelson 7011
Facebook ✦ Email

I went to Women Connecting at "The Creative Craft Room" in Stoke a couple of weeks ago, and sat and had coffee and chatted to the other Crafty Ladies, as due to my lack of Mobility, and Pain, I can't Craft { Y E T }, but can still talk!

It was great catching up with so many of my friends at the Craft Group, as I have known these ladies for years.

It's all about company and friendship, as you can get very lonely while recovering from Surgery, Illness, or moving into your next Chapter.

🩷 I wrote this on my Facebook page last week, as I know there are many #Friends and #Family who stay silent and don't reveal how bad things really are with their own Depression and Suicidal thoughts ...

#Friends and #Family are so IMPORTANT for bringing you ⬆️Up⬆️, when you are so ⬇️Down⬇️ and broken.
If you know of someone who is poorly, rebuilding after Surgery, has their own #Trauma that they are working through - please reach out, and let your #Friend / #Family Member know you are thinking of them.
Often those suffering in silence don't ask for help, till it's too late.

🩷 Please read, and share the document I have below ...

🩷 "Emergency and Support Helplines" 🩷

It's not just the individual person suffering in silence, and fighting to stay on Earth, because every day is a F I G H T  to stay alive and present.
On the other side of the coin are the #Friends and #Family supporting you, as they too can become lost in the situation.
I found the last line on this document very helpful, and forwarded it onto my Husband, in case he needed help too, even though he says he's fine ...

"Skylight" is a Helpline Phone Number for #Friends and #Family members, needing Support, phone 0800 299 100
For support through Trauma, Loss and Grief; 9 am to 5 pm weekdays.

@ A Funeral In 2024, Do you wear Classic Black or Colour? 

🩷 My other part of the day was visiting my Mother-In-Law at the Rest Home, as we were advised yesterday, that she was now in the final stages of passing away, as she wouldn't eat and had lost 6kg in the last month.

She is so concerned about the cost of her Funeral.

I told her not to worry about money, and now is the time to spend with her #Family and #Friends and enjoy these last few days.

I know it's a silly question to ask, but this day and age, for a Funeral in 2024,
should you wear Classic Black, or a Colourful Dress?

As Nola was/is such a vibrant woman, who also presented herself so beautifully in lovely clothes, and always had her Hair and MakeUp done, not to mention her gorgeous Fuchsia Nail Polish.
It seems silly not to wear a colourful Dress in her Memory, however on checking my Wardrobe, I had 4 Brand New Black Dresses, with the Tags still on!

But I think I will wear a Classic Black Dress by "Shine On", and ⬆️U P⬆️ the accessories, with my cute Zimmer Frame {LOL - Tongue-In-Cheek}, and my Hide Vibe Handbag, and Keds Sneakers!

Today's "Dress Code" for Weddings and Funerals is shocking - with people even turning up In jeans and Flip-Flops, for these very special and respective occasions!!!

🩷 W H A T  A M  I  W E A R I N G  T O D A Y ? ...
✦ “Grey Merino w/ Floral Hoodie” by "Shine On"

✦ Pink Ruffle Tee by "Seduce" via Sassys
✦ "Tomas Cropped Skinny Stepped Hem Jean" @ "Shine On"
✦ Cotton Candy Slippers by Furmoo
✦ Ankle Boots via Temu
✦ MakeUp by "Bobbi Brown Cosmetics"
✦ MakeUp Artist Kathe @ JorjaRoseNZ

🩷💋 This came up in my #Timeline today, and it made me #Smile 💋🩷

 🩷 2 #SupportLocal  🩷 2 #BuyLocal  🩷 2 #ShopLocal   🩷#LoveLocal

#LivingWithChallengers #Healing #OutAndAbout #SelfCare #KeepBusy #OneDayAtATime #5MinutesAtATime #Trauma #PTSD #BehindTheSmile #Wellby #McCashins #SupportGroup
#ShineOn #WhatToWear #ClassicBlack #Colour #Funeral #SayingGoodbye

I always wondered how I would go ...

 

6.29pm Wednesday 29th May 2024

As I sit here now writing this, the day that I had finally had enough, I had even chosen my style out, I always wondered how I would go, today was the day and it ended up being a Knife, slitting my Wrist upwards, toward my breaking Heart.

A friend Sheryl actually Posted on Facebook this morning the following, and I wondered if I would be #4, little did I know what the rest of the day would entail ...

"Enjoy today for no-one is guaranteed tomorrow.

This week I will be attending my third funeral in just 9 months.
All for women between 38 and 59 who passed quickly and very unexpectedly.

We never know what is around the corner, so make the most of the day, smile at a stranger you pass on the street, wish the cashier a happy afternoon.
Kiss and hug your people and tell them you love them every time you part because you never know when you won't be able to do that again."

                                      

After reaching out for help numerous times in the past month, and publishing My Truth last week on Facebook to my friends and family, finally today had arrived.

This morning at 10.15am I was in the middle of a Phone Consult with Dr Tushkar at The Pain Clinic in Christchurch {we live 420km away}.

We were discussing how my Medical Marijuana was going, and what I was experiencing, when, in uncontrollable tears, shaking, breathless it all came pouring out {again} about MY PAIN, and how I felt Suicidal, have Self-Harmed in the past and been taken to Hospital in the past for my injuries.

Dr Tushkar took the initiative and phoned 111 and notified the Crisis Mental Health Team.

While waiting for the St John Ambulance to arrive, I asked my 20-year-old daughter to call my husband, as I was most likely going to be admitted.

The Ambo’s arrived, and they seemed a bit puzzled as to why they were there - after all it was a 111 phone call from 420km away!!!

After the introductions and nitty-gritty of Blood Pressure - High, Pulse - quick, Heart was still beating, and Oxygen - was rapid as I was breathing quickly, and crying alot, as I was "in crisis".

While I was going through my Meds with one Ambo, the other was ringing the Crisis Mental Health Team, and couldn’t get through - eventually leaving a message.

The way the Health system is set up, they could not take me to Nelson Hospital, to be then transferred to the Mental Health Team, they {the Mental Health Team} had to first Accept me as a Patient.

The first step was for the Crisis Team to be notified, and for me to be transferred into their care with a possible hospitalisation, a thorough Top-To-Toe inspection, including Injuries, Medication, Scans, MRI’s etc, and for someone to just sit with me, and listen.

After what seemed like forever, the decision was agreed for me to keep trying to call 1737, to notify them that I was Suicidal, but Safe, and to start a Dialogue.

For me to be supervised/watched for the remainder of the day and night by my Husband {which is a short-term solution}.

And for me to notify my Dr's Practice in Stoke.

After 3 calls to 1737 {first call on hold for 5+ minutes while I was with the Paramedics, and my Husband arrived, second phone call I was on hold, they finally answered after 38 minutes, then the call got disconnected, 3rd call I gave up, and used the option of them Texting me back with some Weblinks.

Today had iust got me to the point of no return as I have so much on my mind, most of which was MY PAIN.

I had a Jet Boat accident in 1996, and a Coccygectomy {removal of the Coccyx two years later}.

For the next 26 years I complained of the excruciating PAIN in my Back {this will be another Chapter}, but quite by #Accident {and thank goodness to Physiotherapist Marissa Stuart of BodyFix Nelson who referred me to Mr Nicholas Finnis Spinal and NeuroSurgeon at Christchurch Brain and Spine.

After an MRI of my Spine, Mr Finnis was surprised that I was even able to walk {at that time I relied on a Walking Stick I had nick-named "McKenzie"}, and that I needed an immediate Spinal Fusion, with Bone Graft and Gage at my C4/C5, which Mr Finnis then applied for Surgery through ACC, as this was the result of a very serious accident, when I was just 22 years old.

While the Application with ACC was still waiting to be accepted, Mr Finnis decided {again - thank goodness} to get Imaging done of my remaining Spine, and found a Spur/Nodule at the end/base of my Spine, and that YES, I had had a #Botched Operation for the past 26 years!

12 weeks ago I had a “Revisal Cocygectomy” at St George’s Hospital in Christchurch, and am in more Pain than ever, as I recover from this, my second Spinal Op.
Which is a real #Bummer {pun intended} as literally, your Coccyx is where you sit down on your Bum or "sit upon" as my Grandmother would say!

At the moment I am in desperate need of two Spinal Fusions, C4/C5 and my Neck, and an Ankle/Foot Reconstruction, as I have “Tibialis Posterior Tenosynovitis” and “Adult FlatFoot Deformity”, which involves Ligament and Muscle lengthening, removal of the inflamed Tendon lining, Tendon transfers, cutting and realigning Bones, placement of Implants to realign the Foot, and Joint fusions, 6 months in a Moon Boot, 12-24 months recovery.

WOWsiers .. that was a mouthful, so all of the above, plus inadequate Pain Relief was just the final tip on the Scale today.

Looking at this Reel I posted yesterday, you would never know what is going on …

Posted earlier that day, Wednesday 29.05.2024

                                       

I actually Posted the following to my Personal Facebook page last week, and only 2 people reached out to see if I was okay …

Throwback to five years ago, taken just after the Court Case for my #MeToo Kidnap and Assault that happened when I was 19 years old.

Looking at this photo, you don't see a suicidal woman, with Long Term Depression and PTSD, with a history of alcohol abuse, prescription drugs, and self-harming.

You see what I had to/needed to show, a "Mask of MakeUp", so I could step out the door.

I was and am scared all the time, that I will run into HIM, that he has the Power to hurt me and my children further.

I am a Survivor, and even though it was advised by friends, family, and Professionals not to take this to Court, within 24 hours of me going to Nelson Police, based on my description of being held in a building in Wellington, that looked like a Karate Dojo on the side of the Hill, they had the Address!

Over the next 3 years the Police built such a strong case, and he was shaking in his Boots when it came down to the Verdict, as he knew he was Guilty, and likely going to Prison for 8+ years.

Due to it being "Historical" the Jury decided there was not enough "physical" evidence, but they believed ME.

Three Jurors approached my husband and parents after the Trial, and said THEY believed ME.

What they, the Jury didn't know is he had also attempted the same thing with a 16-year-old teenager, who was at the time his girlfriend's daughter.

Fortunately, she was able to wiggle out from under him {he was 6+ feet Tall, 130kg+ in weight}.

They had gone to the Police, but decided not to press Charges - it's on File.

He had also been Fired from his Career at the Bank for Fraud, he had taken ALOT of money, and was Loaning it out to "mates" who didn't qualify for a Loan.

He was also Charged and Convicted for trying to take a Bong onto a flight from Auckland, it's in the Newspaper.

There is so much more I could say, but it will all be in my book I am working on called "The Next Chapter".

I am still pleased I went to the Police, although it took me many years, as the first person I told of the assault said to me "I wouldn't let a guy do that to me"!

Sorry babes, in a situation like this, the choice is out of your hands.

The more people that Report instances like this, it builds a Case for his/their next innocent victim, which means my Testimony will be admissible in Court, if he ever gets accused again.

I don't talk about it often, but it is always in my mind and in my relentless nightmares.

Please speak up, I am here if you need someone to listen.

Please reach out and ask for help.

#MeToo #SpeakUp #5YearsOn #TriggerWarning #PTSD #LongTermDepression #Nightmares

"Emergency and Support Helplines"

                                       

Actress Elizabeth Moss

In some ways, I feel like Actress Elizabeth Moss's character in her new drama Series “The Veil”.
It follows the relationship between two women playing a deadly game of truth and lies.
One woman has a secret, and the other has a mission to reveal it before thousands of lives are lost. 
Elizabeth plays Imogen Salter, a Spy and MI6 agent, with countless undercover clandeston assignments and Identities/ Legends ...

Elizabeth Moss in "The Veil"

I feel like I have lived 100 Lives or Legends, and lately all my possible Lives are coming forward as I constantly think about MY Past, and now have to start thinking about MY Future and stay Positive.

                                    

I only said last night {before this happened} that when I FINALLY get my Ops, I may grow 6cm Taller, as I have shrunk 6cm in height since I was 17 years old!
PLUS I have been told I will be in less PAIN after My Ops, than what I am in now!
AND I will be a Bionic Woman, with quite possibly no Zimmer Frame! #WinWin

I say it again, please speak up, I am here if you need someone to listen.
Please reach out and ask for help.

                                          

      

#TheLifeOfKathe #OneDaytAtATime #FiveMinutesAtATime #Pacing #SpoonTheroy #StepByStep #Meditation #MeToo #SpeakUp #5YearsOn #TriggerWarning #PTSD #LongTermDepression #Nightmares #Accident #ACC #BrokenHealthSystem #LivingWithChallengers #SelfCare 

#ShineOn #VineAppareal #NOOZ #BobbiBrown #CharlotteTilbury

#JorjaRoseNZ #SocialMediaMaven #SocialMedia #Instagram 

Mother's Day

Mother's Day 2024

Wishing all the Mums out there a Happy Mother's Day.

This sincere message is going out to all the Mums, StepMums, WanaBeMums, TryingToBeMums FurMums, GrandMums, SisterMums, AuntieMums, Mums whose Partner has given birth, Mums who have lost a child, Fathers who have lost their childs Mother figure, and Fathers who are in same-sex relationships, and taken on both roles as Mother and Father, and for a lot of us, women who have lost their own Mum to soon/early...

For many, Mums, they look forward to Mother's Day, but to others, including myself, Mother's Day is a Trigger, along with other certain days, like Easter and Christmas.

It's funny looking back ... as a Child people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up?

My answer was always to be a "Mother", but I soon learned that people didn't like that answer, they wanted a Career, so I made it up, now I wanted to be a "Chartered Accountant".
That later changed to "Forensic Pathologist".

For me, I spend Mother's Day on the verge of Tears, and do cry several times during the day.

As a Mother, I feel inadequate, because I was never able to get down on the floor and play with them as babies.

I wasn't able to breastfeed either of my babies {because of my health}, who were 17 months apart.

The Kiddos were never put in Day Care, or as my friends called it "School".

Because I have been sick most of my Adult life due to a Jet Boat accident in 1996, I constantly worry that this has impacted on my kid's lives.

As the kids grew up, we took heaps of photos, but I was always insecure about my appearance, and have less than a handful of photos with me and the kids.

Literally, these are all the Photos of us together, that I have ...

When Reilly was about five months old, I was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression, which has now developed into "Long Term Depression", and I have been on Meds since I was 19 years old.

I/we are so proud of our son Reilly, 22 years old, as he graduates from University this week with Honours, in a "Bachelor of Engineering", and First Class Honours in Software Engineering.

Reilly is already employed as a Software Engineer at a BIG company in Wellington, on more $ than my Hubby earns!

JorjaRose still lives at home with us, and has been working at The Warehouse for 3 years now.
She is very Artistic, and loves to spend her days reading, or putting Kit Sets together - like our new {Work In Progress} Bathrooms!

Please do not get me wrong, being a Mother has been my greatest accomplishment so far, and I told my daughter so last week.
Of the last 30 years I have been through, my/our Kiddos have pulled me through times of Depression, two Spinal Op's with another 2 needed + a total reconstruction of my Ankle/Foot next year, and numerous accidents, where they {as Kiddos} had to call the Ambulance.
 
I fought like hell to have a family, like many other women, after having 2 Miscarriages.

With both Kiddos, I didn't find out what we were expecting, when Reilly was born unplanned on Rubbish Bags at our new Home {Yes, another Chapter}, we named him "Reilly John", John is a family name, and "JorjaRose" was saved for later, if we were fortunate enough to get a baby girl.

Their initials are actually switched, RJ and JR, and I have a Ying Yang Tattoo {from 20 years ago!!!} with 2 Dolphins chasing each other on my lower back - yes a Tramp Stamp!

Whilst pregnant with {pregnancy #4} JorjaRose, I lost my Memory, and got severe "Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction" {when the Pelvis separates}.
By 31 weeks, I was on Crutches with 2 Smiley Belts {to winch my Pelvis closed}, and a double TubiGrip {elasitacate Bandage} that supported me from mid-Thigh to under the Bust.
I was eventually hospitalised and in a Wheel Chair for a week, before she was induced at 38/3.
When she finally arrived {that is a whole Chapter on it's own}, I couldn't believe I had a baby girl, after all that I had gone through to get her.

As I always wanted to be a Mum, I worked my hardest to be there for them both, most people assumed I had twins as they were the same size.

I went back to work when JorjaRose was one year old to the day!
Fortunately, I was able to spend the day with the Kiddos, and I worked a Night Shift, from 4pm on - way past midnight, as a "Duty Manager" in an expensive Resort Hotel for 3 and a 1/4 years, that started 01.08.2004

Apart from my insecurities about being a "good Mother", what hurts the most about Mother's Day for me, is that my Kiddos hardly ever acknowledge it.

This year, I got a Text from my 22-year-old son, and my 20-year-old daughter has not mentioned a bean about Mother's Day today.

In the past I have been so upset, and have brought it up more than once to my hubby, and he would say, "Well you're not my Mother"! 
I would reply with "No, but I am the Mother of your Children and you need to act on their behalf".

Mother's Day has also affected my own Mother, as because I am so sad on Mother's Day, the last thing I want to do is pop around and be a happy dutiful Daughter, when literally some Mother's Day{s} I have spent curled up in bed crying.

Today I went out of my way to make my Mum feel special.
I gave her a handmade Card with a Bookmark, a Photo Collage, a Cadbury Moro, and a Richmond Mall Voucher, plus I drove around to her house and shared a cupper with her this afternoon.

AND I sang her "Happy Mother's Day" twice!

I explained to Mum how much Mother's Day affects me {in Tears}, and she assured me she has some photos tucked away of me and the Kiddos, but in the interim, this is all that I have ...

My hope is that if I am fortunate enough to become a Gran/Nana, I will teach my Grandbabies the importance of being thankful towards their Parents, and that Mother's Day and Father's Day should be "Any Day", as every day we should be thankful for what we have.

Last week, I decided to start "My Next Chapter", so I am taking photos of myself {and with the Kiddos}, Posting online, and sharing my Truth.

So the moral to my story about Mother's Day is Social Media is F A K E  

We are all faking it, and pretending that we are "Happy" and "Cherry" with our Posts about Mother's Day, but deep down, some of us are crying on the inside.

I want you to know you are not alone.   I cry with you. 

#TheLifeOfKathe #MothersDay #TriggerWarning #PTSD #LongTermDepression  #LivingWithChallengers #SelfCare
Clothing by #ShineOn #VineApparel #NOOZ 
MakeUp By #BobbiBrown #CharlotteTilbury